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Palindrone – someone who actually believes that being mayor of some flyspeck backwater Alaskan town gives Sarah Palin presidential credentials as having “more executive experience” than Barack Obama.

Babies is a movie I have not seen and never will.  Splice is a movie I have not seen and I never will, certainly after reading the spoilers.  However, here is a trailer mash-up of the two of them.  Enjoy.

And, no, I had nothing to do with this.  I found a reference to it on the AV Club.

I’ve never served in the military.  Frankly, I think that’s a win-win situation for everyone involved.  Still, I don’t know if the proper way to honor our fallen soldiers is with a three-day weekend, a spike in beer sales, and a marathon of war movies on basic cable.

Personally, I try to support our troops by not getting them killed doing stupid shit, like in Iraq.  I also support the proper funding of them, so they have the proper equipment not to get killed doing stupid shit,  like in Iraq.  Weird that the Bush Administration painted anyone who disagreed with military action as unpatriotic, but then couldn’t be bothered to get the proper equipment (like body armor) to reduce casualties of military action.  Apparently, it’s patriotic to send in the troops only if you’re getting them killed.

There’s another thing I find weird.  The same people who refused to get us out of a pointless occupation of Iraq are now the most vocal about getting us out of a necessary action in Afghanistan.  Apparently, it’s patriotic to send in the troops only if you’re getting them killed in a pointless cause.

Oh well.  This is the United States of America, and we don’t generally understand a goddamned thing unless it’s got proper marketing telling us what we’re supposed to think about it.

Memorial Day:  when we remember all of the brave Americans who died in “Saving Private Ryan”.

Ah, Easter!  That most holy day of Christ’s resurrection and the central religious feast of the Christian liturgical year.

And, of course, one of my favorite arguments for being an atheist.  It goes something like this:

If the Bible is the ineffable, inerrant word of God, then it can contain no mistakes.  So when did the crucifixion take place?

John 19:14 states that it was the day before the Passover meal was eaten.

Mark 14:12 and 15:25 state that it was the day after the Passover mean was eaten.

A small distinction, perhaps, but it cuts to the heart of the ineffability and inerrancy of the Bible as THE WORD OF GOD.

The Crucifixion is the central event to establish that Jesus redeemed mankind through His sacrifice . . . yet the major sources specifically contradict each other.  Wasn’t anyone actually paying attention while it was going on?!?  If we don’t know when that happened, then we can’t know when the Resurrection happened.  This defining moment of Christianity is celebrated every year, yet it’s the clearest illustration that  the most holy text of Christianity, handed down by God himself . . is just a bunch of stories by a bunch of guys writing stuff separately, which someone later edited together into one volume.

Thanks a lot, God.  Like we’re not already confused enough.

In the absence of the energy to do an original post of my own, I have reposted more installments of Anguiano Held Hostage.  These are the first-hand stories of a man trapped in Hell.

Day 148 talks about food, our then-new cats, and The Boondocks comic strip (which later became crappy, but I liked it then).

Day 151 deals with Lafayette, homophobia, and the bizarre stupidity of opposing sex education while being surprised at high teen STD rates.

And, lastly, Day 155 talks about the NPR station in Baton Rouge and, of course, the adorability of our pets. Enjoy!

Tom Tancredo, Congressman R-Texas, is a devoted opponent to anybody not from this country, even though he himself is not Native American.  He has advocated civics and literacy tests before voting, conveniently ignoring that most US citizens have little real understanding of civics and that literacy tests were a time-honored Southern tradition to prevent blacks from voting.

Tom Tancredo:  the appeal of the KKK without that pesky laundry bill.

The Rapture is the moment in Christian mythology when God takes all of the righteous true believers to heaven just before the Apocalypse takes place, sparing them the pain and suffering that will characterize the End Of Days.  Of course, every denomination and subsection of Christian faith differs on just who will be rescued/saved/airlifted to salvation.  Oddly, each of them is of the opinion that they’re gong to be enRaptured but that everyone ELSE is going to hell.  Just ask them, they’ll be happy to tell you.

But what of the animals?  Does nobody think of the animals?!?

Well, apparently someone did.

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA is there to take care of your beloved animal companions when the Rapture arrives and you are rescued/saved/airlifted to salvation.  For a fee of $110, you can rest assured that if the Rapture takes place within the next ten years, a duly-authorized EEBP representative will arrive within approximately 24 to rescue, adopt, and care for your chosen pet.  Each additional pet per residence is $15.

The best part is that each duly-authorized EEBP representative is not merely an animal lover but a certified atheist.  It’s clearly spelled out in their FAQ, as excerpted below:

Q: How do you ensure your representatives won’t be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don’t ensure it, they do.  Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.

Sadly,  the service can only accommodate dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals in most service areas, but you can save your horses, camels, llamas, and donkeys in NH, VT, ID, and MT. (Reptiles aren’t covered, probably because anyone who owns a bearded dragon is going to hell anyway.)

No kidding.  I’m not making this shit up.  Well, except for reptile owners going to hell, but I’m probably pretty safe on that one.

Their slogan:  “The next best thing to pet salvation in a post-Rapture world.”

Amen to that.