Bad Suggestions

One of my co-workers is going to be giving birth to a girl in a month or so.  She said that she and her husband are having trouble coming up with girl names, so I promised I’d provide a list of completely unsuitable names.  I don’t think she took me seriously.

 

Nevertheless,   I came up with a list.  Most of these names are saints drawn from Saints Preserve Us (Sean Kelly & Rosemary Rogers, 1993 Random House).  For these particular selections I have included that saint’s feast day and, when available, the recognized areas of patronage or maybe some other useful note, as long as I can keep that entry to one line. 

 

Being a lazy bastard thrifty, I am going to re-use this particular bit of work by adding it to my blog.  Enjoy.  Should you choose any of these names for your own children, female or otherwise, please feel free to give me all appropriate credit. 

 

Adelaide (Dec 16), crowned Empress of Holy Roman Empire in 962

Aelfgifu, a Celtic name meaning “beautiful face” or “elfin visage”

Afra (Aug 5), of Fallen Women

Agatha (Feb 5), of Malta, Nurses, Bell Founders, Bell Ringers, Jewelers, and Wet Nurses

Agnes (Jan 21), of Virgins and Girl Scouts

Agrippina (June 23), invoked against demons, leprosy, storms

Aldegund (Jan 30), invoked against cancer, eye disease, fever, wounds, sudden death

Alena (June 18), invoked against eye disease, toothache

Alkelda (Mar 27), invoked against eye troubles

Amalburga (Jan 8 ), invoked against bruises

Apollonia (Feb 9), of Dentists; invoked against toothache

Audrey (June 23), invoked against neck and throat diseases

Ava (May 6), of Children Learning To Walk

Avoy, original name of St. Ava

Aya (Apr 18), of Lawsuits

Balbina (Mar 31), invoked against scrofula

Basilissa (Jan 9), invoked against breast-feeding problems, chilblains

Bathild (Jan 30), of Children

Bee, original name of St. Bega

Bega (Sept 6), of Laborers

Bernadette (Apr 16), of Shepherds

Blandina (June 2), of Young Girls

Bona (May 29), of Flight Attendants

Bridget (July 23), of Sweden, Scholars

Brigid (Feb 1), of Ireland, New Zealand, Milkmaids, Fugitives, Newborns, Nuns, Poultry Raisers

Casilda (Apr 9), invoked against bad luck, sterility

Christina (July 24), of Psychiatrists; better known as St Christina The Astonishing

Concordia (Aug 13), of Nannies

Cunegund (Mar 3), of Luxembourg, Lithuania

Cybele, pagan goddess of the harvest in 3^rd Century Gaul

Devota (Jan 17), of Corsica, Monaco

Drahomira, meaning “the disheveled one”, pagan mother of St. Wenceslaus

Dwyn (Jan 25), of Lovers, Sick Animals

Dymphna (May 15), of Asylums, Mental Health Workers

Emerentiana (Jan 23), invoked against stomach ache

Ethelreda, original name of St. Audrey

Eugenia (Dec. 25), who cross-dressed and entered a monastery to avoid marriage

Eulalia (Dec 10), of Barcelona, Sailors, Women In Labor

Eurosia (June 25), of Crops; invoked against drought

Foy (Oct 6), of Prisoners, Soldiers

Gemma (Apr 11), of Hospital Pharmacists

Gertrude (Mar 17), of Cats, Gardeners, and Travelers

Godberta (Apr 11), invoked against drought and epidemics

Godeleva (July 6) of Flanders; invoked against sore throats

Gudula (Jan 8 ) of Brussels

Hedwig (Oct 16), of Bavaria, Silesia

Hunna (Apr 15), of Laundresses

Justina (July 19), of Potters, Seville

Leocadia (Dec 9), of Toledo; invoked against plague

Lilith, the 1^st woman (yes, who preceded Eve); rejected by Adam because she was uppity

Ludmilla (Sept 16), of Czechoslovakia

Lydwina (Apr 14), of Skaters

Macra (Jan 6), invoked against breast disease

Matrona (Mar 15), invoked against dysentery

Mildburga (Feb 23), of Birds

Nino (Dec 15), of Georgia (in Eurasia)

Notburga (Sept 14), of Peasants, Servants

Odilia (Dec 13) of Alsace, the Blind

Osana (June 20), of Schoolgirls

Pelagia (Oct 8 ), of Actresses

Petronilla (May 31), of France; invoked against ague

Pharaildis (Jan 4), invoked against childhood illness

Pudentiana (May 19), of the Philippines; meaning  “she who ought to be ashamed of herself”

Sabina (Aug 29), of Housewives; invoked against hemorrhage

Scholastica (Feb 10), of Rain; invoiced against childhood convulsions

Sidwell (Aug 2), of Farmers

Thaïs (Oct 8 ), of Fallen Women

Theneva (July 18), of Glasgow

Triduana (Oct 8 ), invoked against eye disease

Tryphena (Jan 31), of Nursing Mothers

Uncumber (July 20), invoked against men (!)

Verana (Sept 1), of Millers

Walburga (Feb 25), of Crops; invoked against coughs, frenzy, the plague

Wilgefortis, original name of St Uncumber

Zita (Apr 27), of Housemaids, Domestic Servants; invoked against lost keys